I Almost Didn’t Exist

Let’s start from the very beginning. My mother was pregnant with me and received terrible news during one of her OBGYN appointments. My parents were informed that I was going to be born disabled. I had not developed arms or legs. The doctor informed my parents that I will be 24/7 care and it will be difficult. The doctor gave my parents options to have an abortion or to continue the pregnancy.

My parents come from a strict traditional Catholic Vietnamese family. My father wanted to have the abortion, but my mother was against it. My family had this idea that the child is punished for the father’s sins. My father felt pressured by his family to take action regarding this pregnancy.

My mom was a strong believer and knew God’s plan is perfect regardless of this circumstance. She prayed daily and trusted in God. This decision pushed my parents apart. My father did not want anything to do with the pregnancy and had a difficult time accepting a disabled child.

The day I was born, my father was not there. My aunt was there with my mom when I was delivered.  My mother was in labor for over 24 hours and spent over 5 hours pushing. My mother claimed she didn’t know how to push correctly that finally the doctor had to use a tool to pull me out while she pushed. As I was delivered, my aunt started crying and telling my mom “she has arms and she also has legs. She has everything.”

My mother broke into tears that I came out just fine. There was nothing wrong with me except for some scratch marks from the tool that pulled me out. She believed in God and believed it was a test for her.

She had a choice and she made the hard decision. She decided to keep me regardless what she was told and a miracle happened when I was born. She told me this story when I was very young and reminds me quite often while I was growing up. My mother truly believed that as I was being born that God molded my arms and my legs at that very moment because all the sonogram showed I didn’t have arms or legs.

Of course, when I was younger I didn’t know what to believe. I questioned whether this was true or not. I asked my father and he just said yeah it’s true, but never wanted to talk more about it. Maybe he was ashamed or felt guilty that I almost didn’t exist. I was never angry with him or judged him for it either. I even asked my aunt to confirm my mother story and sure enough…everything lined up.

In life we have many choices to make and some choices are permanent. I am blessed my mother decided to have faith and to know everything will be okay. I’m a mother now and I cannot imagine not having my children in my life. It’s the greatest gift from God. Miracles do happen if we just have faith.

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